One Month Later

        I find it very hard to believe that it was one month yesterday that my Dolores died. It seems like just a couple of days. I won’t use words like passed over, went home, and is sleeping with the angles. She died and left me here alone, that is the painful truth. I miss her terribly and find myself talking to her everyday several times a day about all kinds of things.

        It is as though she is around me; watching over me, I guess, is the best way to describe the way I feel. There are times that the emptiness and loneliness are overwhelming and I can’t control the tears and they freely flow. It is as if they have a cleansing effect and I always feel a little better when it passes.

        Dolores was always a very practical woman and I know that she would not like me wallowing in self pity, and that fact is what gives me strength to go on when I feel overwhelmed and defeated.

Friends have been very supportive and try to help. I know how hard it is to want to help and not know what to do or say. I just what to thank all of you for just trying, that alone speaks volumes of your intent and that is enough.

        I won’t lie and say I am not scared of what the future might hold. I know it won’t be anything we had planned for it to be, and right now most things are without color or taste or smell. But in my heart I feel Dolores would want me to make the most of what I have left, and that is why this trip is so important, the people I meet along the way crucial to my healing process.

        I am not a very introspective person normally, but these are not normal times for me and I find myself evaluating my priories most closely, and what I find is we are living way too fast, chasing after things that will never bring us true happiness. I found true happiness with Dolores and our world slowed to a pace we found most enjoyable. Now I have only memories of that kind of happiness.

        I hope you will find what we have shared and have it a lot longer than we did, and I hope you will share it with your friends and help them slow down and stop chasing what I call the Madison Ave. empty promise.

        I also hope you will leave me some feedback in the comment box below so I can determine if this type of personal display is something you find worthwhile or just annoying, so I can make a decision on whether I will continue to report my inner personal journey.

        I’ll try not to be too sappy but maybe someone else will be going through what I am going through right now, someday, and they will find some small glimmer of hope that things will turn out alright. (If this story turns out that way) or what to avoid if it don’t. I will be honest about what I feel and what I do on this journey. I think that will be enough. I don’t know what to expect, so I just take it one day at a time.

Thanks for listening.

The Demonmaster