Soul-mate

                                                                             

        How many times have we all heard about finding your soul-mate? Those special people that can finish your sentence, read your mind, always say or do the perfect thing at just the right time that makes all the difference.  The fact is, very few of us ever find them. 

      The reason I believe this to be true is we are so laden with some vague but exacting expectation of just what a soul-mate should be, we miss them when they appear. Most of the time we are so engulfed in our lives of the moment, at the moment, that we overlook so much that is going on around us, recognizing a soul-mate would be next to impossible.       

     I am sure if you take a moment to think back you would agree that at different times in your life you have been so consumed with work, play, being a perfect mom or dad, climbing the ladder of success, or just desperately needing some time to catch your breath, nothing else seemed to matter.        

     I spent my early adulthood just getting laid.  That was my focus and mission in life. I then found the most attractive and accommodating young woman that wanted the same thing and we got married.  Now if you asked us at the time we would have told you we were madly in love with one another, I mean what else do you expect us to say?  The truth is we were just happy to be out of the dating pool and at that time having more sex than we ever had before. And you were just the same way!  If you don’t think so, then you’re only lying to yourself, none of us believe it!       

     Then we’re pregnant, next thing we know we have three kids been married six years and wonder just who the hell are we married to.   What happened to that sex kitten that jumped me at lunch and tried to make me late for work?  Greeted me at the door naked and had me naked before we made it to the couch.  Now she is this Super Soccer Mom that wears shorts that only touch her at the waist, loose floppy tops that nearly hide my two favorite girls! That I haven’t seen in weeks, and only wants to talk about how hard her day was and that I have no idea what it takes to do what she does.       

     She is wondering what happened to the guy that hung on her every word and couldn’t keep his hands off of her, always holding her hand, helping her with everything she did, opening doors, helping wash dishes, actually interested in what she was saying.  The guy that told her every hour how much he loved her and couldn’t keep his eyes off of her every waking moment. The guy that wanted to spend every free minute with her doing whatever she wanted to do anytime she wanted to do it.       

      Now all he ever seemed was tired, too tired to help with anything, playing with the kids for an hour was his idea of really doing something. Every chance he got to get away with his buddies to go fishing bam he was gone. Does he have any Idea what I have to do? What it takes to keep this family running. Has he got any inkling what his children are doing or dreaming or accomplishing? Of course not, he’s so tired! He works so hard! He has no idea what hard is!!  And romance, his idea of romance is about four minutes of self-gratification followed by a nap.       

     Would you be surprised that we were divorced by year seven? I was at the time!  I asked myself, what the hell happened. I thought we were happy. Could we have been each other’s soul-mate? Well, probably not!  But one never knows.        

     Then after years of being alone, with a sprinkling of relationships from time to time all short lived. She found me. That’s right she found me. She was the one that knew we were meant for each other. How? Don’t ask me, I am sure as hell I don’t know. But she was right. Coming up on six years we have never had a harsh or hurtful word between us. I love her now more than ever, and the same goes for her. We were both pushing 50 when we met. And now I am losing her to cancer. We have maybe a couple of weeks left as I write this.  Isn’t life the most wonderful and cruel thing you have ever known.       

     I guess I should end this writing with an uplifting thought or perhaps a real meaningful and heartfelt wish that you will never have to feel this pain that I am experiencing. But that won’t be case my friend. I feel so blessed at just having her in my life, even for such a short time that there is no amount of pain or loss or suffering that I wouldn’t happily endure to have known the splendor of what a Soul-mate is, was and will forever be. And I wish for you the same if you are ever lucky enough to love and lose as I am doing now, then my friend you will know what I mean.

From somewhere on the backroads,

The Demonmaster 

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