I decided to add this page to the site because without Dolores none of this would exist. Most might think that perhaps some of these thoughts would be better kept in a more personal journal. But why? Maybe someone else feels the same way about their lost love, and this might help them feel less alone. I wish I had one to read right now, I wish someone forced themselves to write down the feelings and hopes and fears they went through as it happened. I could sure use a guide on this horrible lonely journey.
As I write these words Dolores is perhaps only days away from death. She hasn’t eaten anything for the past four days and very little before that. She drinks only sips of water from time to time, less than a cup a day. She cannot last too long like this. Despite this she is in no pain thank God, and I think for the most part she has made her peace with God and said her goodbye’s to us and is just waiting to die.
I have seen many things in my life, death, pain, horror, useless killing to name a few. And I have felt things as well, loss, fear, terror, humiliation, and despair. I have also seen and felt many wonderful things. But nothing compares to what I have known with Dolores. Just a few short years together and I have experienced more love and laughter, warmth and compassion than seems one man’s right. And now I face the worse possible loss of all, the other half of my very soul.
Reading these words I realize some may think that silly. That’s ok, I would have as well had I never met Dolores. The silliest thing of all is when I try to remember the best time we have had together, it isn’t some great vacation or some fabulous dinner out. It isn’t even one of the great motorcycle trips we have taken with friends, and believe me nothing is better than Dolores and I flying down the back roads on the bike. No, the really best time and the one that tears at my heart the most, is the time we just sat together quietly, her working one of her logic problems (which she loved) or sewing on a quilt and me reading a book or watching TV. These were the things we did every day, and that feeling is so real that I can taste it, smell it, and almost touch it.
I know I will never know this kind of happiness again in my life. Well meaning friends remind me I am still young and I shouldn’t rule out finding love again someday down the road. I appreciate the gesture of love and kindness, but in my heart I know the truth.
You see, for most people when they have been together for a long time with someone they really love and they think back on their lives together only the good memories come to mind. All the really bad times and fights and hurt feelings fade as they have grown together and learned to be better to one another. That is the way it seems to go with everyone I know that has stayed in love with one another.
With Dolores and I we have only been together a very short time compared to most and in that time we have never had a harsh or hurtful word between us. So the memories of her will only build into that of near sainthood in my mind, and how unfair that would be to any other woman. I know some chuckle and smile knowingly, thinking well just give it time. There is not enough time left in the universe to change the way I feel. And it’s OK, really! I make friends easily and I have many already and I’m sure I’ll make more. I might be alone but I will never be lonely because Dolores will always live in my heart and mind until I join her so we can then finish our journey together forever.
The Demonmaster
04-10-2008
Please leave a comment
Rick,
I don’t even know how to begin. How can one express the sadness at the loss of a great friend and individual. I have such great memories of Dolores because of the beauty she displayed not only on the outside but most importantly, on the inside.
I was fortunate to see a genuine, smart, honest and true woman as a devoted wife, loving mother, hard worker, caring friend and a child of God. She spoke of you with such love, pride and gratitude. She felt so fortunate to have found a companion that shared a lifetime of joy in 6 wonderful years. In her words, “a tough-looking guy that was just a big teddy bear”.
I remember vividly our last meeting while she was ill, we prayed for comfort and peace—for you and her boys. She already knew she was in good hands. She as always worried more for those she loved and cared for greatly.
Though you are taking your country-wide bike-ride in her honor I truly believe that Dolores will be in control leading and guiding your way. Believe me when I say, she will be greatly missed…but, she will be thought of fondly for a long, long time. Her caring words and warm hugs made her a precious friend. God certainly has a special angel keeping heaven in great shape. When it is your time, she will be waiting for you with open arms and asking you to sing to her once again.
Don’t you forget us. We would love to have you come to visit us here at South Texas and South Padre. Take lots of pictures of your trip and share them on your website with all your friends…old and new. Please keep in touch.
Love,
Diana and David Garcia
Harlingen, TX
Hey Rick,
I am a friend of Dave & Diana’s, from the classic car group in Harlingen. I watched my wife of 30 years slip away 9 years ago 04-19-99, but didn’t think about a web site in her memory. I aplaud you with this fitting tribute to your lady. The grief will slowly slid away, but sir the memories never will. Like you it’s been very hard to even consider a new lady in my life. I suppose one day when God sees fit I’ll stumble over the right one that He puts in my path.
Be safe while traveling thisgreat country. I’ll pop in now and again to read your currant remarks about your odessy.
God Be with you, Carl Lynn
Nothing silly about those words. What a great outlook you have. We have you in our thoughts.
Nelson and Jane Lauver
Hi, I live in the UK & came here via a link on one of the forums I belong to & just had to stay & read it. The picture on the home page instantly drew me in. The warmth, love & honesty, sadly so rare today, that comes from your post prompted me to say hello & to say how sorry I am about your loss. Your honest words from the heart are not silly but an expression of how you truly feel. Sadly you only had a short time together but that time will stay with you for eternity. I admire you for taking the trip but it’s something you need to do. You will not be alone, Dolores with always be with you, just not seen. Have a safe journey. God Bless…Chrissy