Paths & Memories

This morning as I sat and looked down at my fluffy belly I thought that perhaps I just might have to do something other than just wishing it would shrink back to the hard ripped Adonis like belly it use to be in my 20’s and 30’s. And then the words of my stepson Keith rang in my ears echoing his mothers words that physical exercise not only make you feel better physically it also helps your emotional outlook.

        So I wondered what I should do to get back into working out. It hit me that I’ve heard it said by almost all those “experts” that the best thing to do to get started is just start walking. Then I remembered Cullen Park just down the road with a beautiful walking and biking path. A place that Dolores and I use to go walking several times a week a few years ago.

        I worried that it just might bring back too many sad memories to do me any good, but I have to face this stuff head on if I am ever to get through this grief. Sure enough as I drove into the parking lot I really missed Dolores sitting next to me promising not to run off leaving me in the dust again. But then the magical memories started to return and I found myself smiling and I couldn’t help but laugh out loud at a couple memories that I will not be sharing with you anytime soon

        I had my ear buds in and was listening to Natalie Merchant’s Tiger Lilly CD (perhaps not your choice of workout music) when I rounded a curve and there it was, the bench that only a few short months ago Dolores and I along with her son Keith and her Mother had stopped to let her rest as we pushed her in a wheelchair down this very path for the last time in her life. This was as far down the path she made it that day. Of course we didn’t know that at the time, we were still betting on beating this killer called cancer. I remembered as I sat on the bench how valiantly she struggled to walk holding the arm of her son as I pushed an empty chair along. She would walk until she just couldn’t take one more step and then we all assured her she was doing so well trying to keep up her spirits. The picture of the single bench is that very spot unchanged from that so very different day back then. Everything in my life and so many others has changed so much but not that spot; it looks exactly the same, as though nothing has changed.

        It took a few minutes to collect myself, but I was determined to make the Graveyard that is the turning point of my walk, which used to be our walk. I was feeling much better than I thought I would, both physically and emotionally. I know that there will be many more moments like the bench, but that’s life isn’t it! I just keep putting one foot in front of the other until I get where I’m headed. Now if I could just figure out where that is I’d feel a whole lot better!

Thanks for listening,

The Demonmaster