Dolores at less than 1 yr.
At around 6:30am on Thursday April the 17th 2008 I woke to the sound of my friend the mockingbird singing outside the living room window. You see for the last four months I have been sleeping on the couch to be near my Beloved Dolores laying in the hospital bed we arranged to be placed near the hub of activity, our living room.
This day started no different than any other in recent memory. She was still sleeping so I started the coffee and put away the clean dishes from the night before. I took my pills and settled in for a cup of Joe and watch the morning news. Nothing much different there either; here in Houston, Texas the traffic is horrible and someone either killed or robbed or kidnapped a kid or something equally terrible.
On the good side the weather man says it will be a beautiful day all sun shine and cool breeze. Too bad we can’t go outside and enjoy it together. I have ached to be able to take her outside; she loved the outdoors so much. But she is no longer able to be moved around that much without enduring great pain from her joints and shrunken tendons that is the gift of being confined to bed from the cancer. So I opened the windows and turned on the fans and created a little of the outside, inside for her.
She woke around 8:30am and I crushed her little pill and dissolved it in water which she dutifully took followed by a couple sips of water. Then she locked eyes with me as she always did in the morning and smiled a weak smile that I have come to know so well. It would always bring me to my knees at the side of her bed to be more able to hold her and kiss her and tell her again for about the millionth time how much I loved her and would always love her and that she is, was and will forever be my only true love.
Not being able to speak anymore she would reach up with her right hand, the only thing she could still move on her own, and pat my face and mouthed “sing” to me as she almost always did every time she woke. God knows why I have an awful singing voice but it brought her such comfort and peace. So as I held her in my arms and stroked her hair, I sang the same three song I always sang, Stardust, Angel Flying to Close to the Ground and My love is Deeper… and as every time before as I finished and started to get up she asked for more and as always I started all over. It seemed so little to ask of me, it was the only thing she now ever asked.
Halfway through Stardust the third time around she started to breathe short shallow breaths. Fearing she had not swallowed all of the water she had sipped and not wanting her to choke I rolled her on her side facing me and held her in my arms speaking soothingly to help calm her. After about two minutes I realized OH MY GOD! She is dying.
I looked into her eyes and her into mine and told her, Honey it’s OK, you can let go, though every cell in my body screamed out NO NO NO NO… She took one long deep breath, re-focused to see me as if for one last time and as she exhaled she died in my arms…..
The Demonmaster
Please leave a comment
i havent been able to send you my condolences because my computer was messed up. i want to let you know i am very sorry for your loss and that i send you my deepest sympathy!!! i love you and hope that you are handling your loss ok. you are on all of our minds and you are always in our hearts.
Rick
You are obviously a very faithful loving person who deserves someone like yourself.
That is what happened to my daughter. I am so sorry for your loss. I do not see when this was but tears are welling up in my eyes. I can sense the love you had for each other. That love is never lost.
My daughter’s second husband, Scott. before they were married, wanted to go down to Virginia to the church where Tedd, the dead son-in-law was buried and had been associate pastor for about 1 year. He went to the grave and tears coursed down his face. Tedd had been dead for about 2 years but his compassion, knowing the whole story, of what Tedd went through for that 4 years with Hodgkins disease, going, gone and coming back again, must have been goind through his mind.
Some like insurance companies blame God for the hard things in life, but never give thanks for the good things. That sounds rather hypocritical to me.
He has given us a beautiful earth filled with wonders that my wife and I love to photograph together. Every breath is a gift as I am sure you well know.
Cancer is a terrible disease. Some day for a believer those terrible parts of life will be no more.
You seem to be a person that appreciates the gift of the outdoors, Rick. That is the first step to acknowledging the builder of it.
With compassion having gone through this with my daughter,
Charles